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7-6-05
She told me when she was here that if I didn’t love myself I couldn’t love anyone else. I had heard it before, but it seemed to make sense the way she said it. At the same time it shook me, because I know how I feel about her and while I do want to love myself I don’t know how. I feel good about myself at times, but I don’t know if I’ve ever loved myself. I wouldn’t know where to start and it’s because of that I feel I give the impression that I am unsure of myself (because, shit, I am) and that’s why I’ve attracted most of the women I’ve been with. The reason most of my relationships never work is because they weren’t meant to. Almost every woman I meet runs into me at a time where they’ve separated, divorced or broken up with their man at the time. What happens is that they still very much love the dude they were with before; they just can’t suffer or tolerate their ways. Then they meet me, and I won’t be Mr. Right; just Mr. Right now.
5-1-06
The majority of the women I’ve been with have never seen me as their mate, but rather an accessory item, which means you’re the lamp that goes nice with the couch, praying she doesn’t decide to go with a new living room set one day. I attribute this to my insecurities. I think I’ve had opportunities to embrace real love but instead chose to settle just to play it safe with woman I knew deep down couldn’t give me what I needed-what I in turn gave them. I figured it was safer that way-don’t ask. It’s to the point I question any woman with any sincere interest in me to the slightest, for fear of the one that could actually be what I need.
She told me when she was here that if I didn’t love myself I couldn’t love anyone else. I had heard it before, but it seemed to make sense the way she said it. At the same time it shook me, because I know how I feel about her and while I do want to love myself I don’t know how. I feel good about myself at times, but I don’t know if I’ve ever loved myself. I wouldn’t know where to start and it’s because of that I feel I give the impression that I am unsure of myself (because, shit, I am) and that’s why I’ve attracted most of the women I’ve been with. The reason most of my relationships never work is because they weren’t meant to. Almost every woman I meet runs into me at a time where they’ve separated, divorced or broken up with their man at the time. What happens is that they still very much love the dude they were with before; they just can’t suffer or tolerate their ways. Then they meet me, and I won’t be Mr. Right; just Mr. Right now.
5-1-06
The majority of the women I’ve been with have never seen me as their mate, but rather an accessory item, which means you’re the lamp that goes nice with the couch, praying she doesn’t decide to go with a new living room set one day. I attribute this to my insecurities. I think I’ve had opportunities to embrace real love but instead chose to settle just to play it safe with woman I knew deep down couldn’t give me what I needed-what I in turn gave them. I figured it was safer that way-don’t ask. It’s to the point I question any woman with any sincere interest in me to the slightest, for fear of the one that could actually be what I need.
posted by Element615 at 1:07 AM
2 Comments:
that fear will ultimately eat you alive joe. as one of my friends says, sometimes a tree really is just a tree. i take thatto mean, sometimes, people are actually who they present themselves to be and we shouldn't be mad at them because we want them to be something else. in truth, they are only doing/being what they know.
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