19
Things I probably shouldn't tell you
Chickens are jealous of us because we have lips, and they don't. They often dream of smacking thier beaks or smiling, and they grow increasingly bitter every time they try and fail.
They get angry when they see us use straws.
They can't whistle; and this often makes the male chickens upset because they can't flirt with the females, and one cannot deny that in matters concerning fliration one cannot replace a sly come hither whistle with a buh-KAWK. They cannot kiss each other on the cheek because they only wind up stabbing each other and when the try a frontal approach it only results in a clicking sound that sounds like morse code for 'DAMMIT why don't we have lips' and they just stop and walk away, frustrated.
They get mad because they can't use cups.
They envy our opposable thumbs and the fact that we have other fingers as well. In fact, every time you walk by a chicken and it ruffles its feathers it is actually trying to flick you off.
My right ear can talk. He tries to talk to other ears but he doesn't know they can't speak (I've tried to tell him but he won't listen to me) and when they don't he gets angry and says stuff like 'HEY! Hey I know you hear me!' He will often play jokes on me, like calling my name in a different voice so I don't recognize it, and when I turn around I don't see anyone and then he laughs, and it then and only then, that I know it is him.
Sometimes I think that if my top lip was bigger than my bottom lip I would look sad, or confused.
Chickens are jealous of us because we have lips, and they don't. They often dream of smacking thier beaks or smiling, and they grow increasingly bitter every time they try and fail.
They get angry when they see us use straws.
They can't whistle; and this often makes the male chickens upset because they can't flirt with the females, and one cannot deny that in matters concerning fliration one cannot replace a sly come hither whistle with a buh-KAWK. They cannot kiss each other on the cheek because they only wind up stabbing each other and when the try a frontal approach it only results in a clicking sound that sounds like morse code for 'DAMMIT why don't we have lips' and they just stop and walk away, frustrated.
They get mad because they can't use cups.
They envy our opposable thumbs and the fact that we have other fingers as well. In fact, every time you walk by a chicken and it ruffles its feathers it is actually trying to flick you off.
My right ear can talk. He tries to talk to other ears but he doesn't know they can't speak (I've tried to tell him but he won't listen to me) and when they don't he gets angry and says stuff like 'HEY! Hey I know you hear me!' He will often play jokes on me, like calling my name in a different voice so I don't recognize it, and when I turn around I don't see anyone and then he laughs, and it then and only then, that I know it is him.
Sometimes I think that if my top lip was bigger than my bottom lip I would look sad, or confused.
posted by Element615 at 9:10 AM
5 Comments:
hahahahahahahaha...man, you are crazy! glad you have come back!
joe,uh ok lol funny a lil...but i see the pain too.
you did your thing wed. baby..always stepping up to the plate.
Two words... Special Needs.... Call me.. I have a plan..
Boy, you need professional help. i think they have a room (padded) for you over on Guadalupe at the hospital.
think maybe their pissed cuz they kow we're just breeding dinner?
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