31

I promise you that you will claim this armor from my dead body, and no sooner. I dare you to think you could find a chink, because my armor is flawless. I beg God to close this heart, and remove the wait so that I can move. I will not lie and say that love isn't real, but I'm no longer convinced it's elevation, just a diversion. Sugar coated subversion created to cause pause and nothing more. I got tired of buying lies and that's why you don't see me in the store anymore.

I spend my nights in morning of a time when I cherished days. There is no solace in the feel of sun on my skin; even as I breathe, I asphyxiate. Suffocating in the oxygen I waste away in starvation with my belly full. I have sustained injuries from the long term effects of improper emotional allocation, i.e. misreciprocation of affection resulting in an addiction to addition. I will not succumb, never again numb to shallow obligation. Better to die a lonely man man then to take the wrong hand so effective immediately, I hereby tender my resignation to love. This heart is uninhabitable, structurally unsound, so there will no longer be any vacancies.

So to those who love their charity cases; leave me be. Quit looking because honestly, you don't even find me attractive, just cute-code for 'convenient because you are to scared to go for what you really want.' Leave me in the rummage, I need not your empty self-serving attempts to salvage this savage into something you could condescend to like.

I need to adhere to purpose and sever the malignant tumor that is my self pity. I am convinced that anyone who wants in only wants to turn you out-walking away with what they wanted, leaving this house haunted with the ghost of who I thought you were. I don't doubt love, I just rarely see it occur, and I have neither the time or the patience to chase dragons or unicorns, leave the needles in their haystacks, do not wait for me to grab that brass ring whoever you are wherever you are, I will not be waiting or looking but I do wish you well. I'm not saying love isn't heaven, but I will make note that it and hell have the same number of letters. And I should have known better, avoided the representatives, the crescent shaped harbingers, feeding me hope flavored hindrance with a slight hint of deliverance, impossible to hold them responsible as I don't get to be a victim after the first bite. I can't blame them if I accepted the invite, laid back for the long kiss goodnight the left me a dead man walking. So thank you but no thank you, keep walking; what I want isn't waiting in someone else's hand, I bare no hatred towards women and no, I don't want a man. I won't convince you to not love but right now I'm not a fan, what I want I want and don't expect you to understand, your comprehension isn't on my list of demands so please, return to your vessel, pull your anchor, and leave me be, here on my shore.

I can see so very clearly, having pulled the wool away, cognizant of the windmills that I once chose to slay; what dreams I've had have left me, all of them gone to stay, I had set out to write another love poem, and realized I have nothing to say.