33

Words of conviction are not suited
for those that don’t need to speak them.
But I miss my friend.
Proof that fate is not totally heartless
I beg forgiveness for what I do to you, for
all you’ve done is give light
I failed to return
I only sought to imbue you:
be you to you,
impart the joy of a heart thankful.
It is not that I was nothing
before you
but I believe I am something
because of you

In gratitude
I want to take up my blade
with your flag at my back
and charge.
Fight wars not fit for your army
battles unworthy of your sword
stand atop the shoulders of your enemies and
proclaim you my friend
until their ears ring with the truth that has saved me.
I want to crawl to the darkest of places within thee
sit there with the little girl inside
and listen.
Touch my fingers to hers and let that be all the light needed.

I want to know you like I thought I did.

Backstage after the show
with the smile wiped away

I want to know your story,
turn the pages
you let no one turn.
Give you water
for every drop you have poured into others
so that the empty is gone and your vessel is full again
until you are more
more than
less
more than Alice
as opposed to the feast you have become for all of us
I would feed you I want to cook for you
labor all day in my kitchen
place a meal before you
and feed your heart
until you laid back, soul full.

I miss my friend.

The who teaches me having compunction means not caring about the cost
giving orphaned souls absolution for their birthday
lost hearts compassion for Christmas
and any man or woman would love to hold your hand in thiers
I want your shoulder to mine
my fist pounding yours
I want to be what you have been
regardless of the fact that I wasn’t the one God gave superpowers
Grant amnesty to the ugliest thoughts
I want the wisdom to know not to fix you-
to find you at your worst and tell her
she is forgiven
for even thinking she needed to be.
Watch you heal every ear
I sever for you
and maybe learn to use mine.
Give you air without pressure
bestow enough wind to float on
without tossing you about in my storm
I will release you from my net
save you from suffocating in my bell jar
I will break the glass I pinned you down behind and
if I never see your face again
at least
you got what you wanted. for once.
I miss you.
There is an empty space in my ace’s place
and now
nothing
seems
to make
fish.
Even if we weren’t alone
I would sing a song for you
and I assure you
I would sound HORRIBLE
but it would be okay
because I would be no less a fool
than I’ve been for trying to bottle divinity.
It would be easier to live
without you
if you didn’t live within me
but if need be
what we love
we set free.
This poem
is grateful
for your song.
I have learned
that words of conviction are not suited for those
that do not need to speak them.
That true enlightenment means not catching the
sun
but being allowed in its light.